Funny how life unravels itself to you. This morning after watching my daughter, Brianna get loaded into the school bus I looked towards our home and thought how perfect, as I walked toward the garage. We have the perfect apartment location. Not the first floor which is kind of a bummer because people walking at ground level can see in your home, and the way the parking spaces are you will almost always be disturbed with cars pulling in and out. We have a great parking lot because it is totally enclosed, the lot and the garage. Some other buildings do not have enclosed parking lots. I like the sense of safety this provides me. I took a deep breath in and at 7:35 a.m. I walked with my other 2 kids with a smile on my face, thinking I got this apartment sight unseen, and I got lucky.--
Then I thought well that’s just kind of how I am, (risk taking not lucky!). I also bought my car sight unseen-which I love. And, it all began by buying or better put by “receiving” a van sight unseen. This van I mention is what my whine/wine is about tonight. My daughter gets around in a wheelchair, and only a wheelchair. The van I had been driving was having some mechanical issues and it wasn’t feasible to modify it for a lift, which was what was soon going to be needed as Brianna moved into a larger size chair, and not one that could be taken apart, folded or otherwise fit into an automobile. With the assistance of North Bay Regional Center, and the generosity of Brianna’s grandpa who purchased her savings bonds these resources were combined to purchase the van, our van, known as the Bri Van. I found this van on Craigslist and was desperate for a safe mode of transportation for Brianna. Being in the beginnings of a divorce money was very, very tight. For me this was a reality check of sorts. As I anticipated the future as a single mom it included the hardships a single parent might endure. And in my case it was apparent to me that Francis was not going to be supportive unless he was required to do so. I imagined myself being in this situation as a single mom with 3 kids, and now I am in this situation, as a single mom with 3 kids. ----
Little did I know that Francis would not even be supportive when required to do so!--if a court order is not enough to motivate one to be supportive, or simply to be compliant what will?----
Ok, back to my wine, I mean my whine. My van. I mean the Bri Van. I finally took it to a service center today, fortunately it was right down the street from my home. Then I received the dreaded call no one ever wants to receive from an auto shop it starts like this “I don’t have good news for you…” my heart stopped at that point as I hardened up to receive the blow of bad news, and “it appears you have a blown head gasket” is what followed…(oh f***) is all I thought. I shifted into professional mode which allows me to input difficult information while remaining present so I can conclude the conversation. Then I did what any woman would do, I texted my closest girl friends so they can receive the blow of my bad news in the hopes that somehow that might lesson the thump. One friend responded back with “that’s expensive”, to which I impulsively responded with “oh do you think?”, another friend suggested I check around, even Craigslist to which I again, impulsively responded with “brilliant”. UGH. That is when I realized these friends were just trying to be helpful and/or supportive and did not deserve my sarcasm nor did I have a right to express my anger at them (however slight it was). --
Anyway, my closest friend asked me if I was going to tell Francis, and ask for help since its an emergency and I am in dire need. No I am not. I simply responded back to her that I thought telling him our kids have no food to eat and I cant pay the rent was an even bigger emergency, and yet he cared nothing, he didn't respond at all. He didn't help then, I wouldn't expect him to help now. DESPITE the order of the court which states he shall reimburse me for 50% of the costs to the van and for the needs of Brianna due to her disabilities. This is one of the pending matters that will be heard on 9/20.
It is very strange, we always shared the expenses of the Bri van, that is before I moved. We shared the insurance, we shared the registration and we shared the little repair that was done as well as the work to modify the lift. It was agreed upon by us that the van goes with Bri. It is her van, for her needs. So, when he had visitation with Brianna he would have the van. He has refused to pay for ½ the insurance and the registration and he has refused to pay for some repair that has been done to it since moving to So.Cal. He did however, write a check for ½ the amount for new tires. I am not sure what prompted him to do that, while failing to comply with the previous requests. Anyway, I just want 9/20 done and over with. The judge will rule as she do and I will be fine with that. (I will have to be fine with that!). I know that I am doing what I can do for my kids, and everything I do is for them and their future. Yes, I removed them from Nor Cal. I moved them away from their father. But that too was in their best interest. I am here. I can say it now, I moved them away from their father. I moved them away from him so they can have a happy, healthy childhood.
Anyway, back to the van. In my textcussion with my BFF I told her I am kind of thinking about trading in my Mazda and the van for a new (new to me that is) adapted van. That way I will only have one car to maintain. And that would be the final tie between he and I. In DDA’s paperwork he mentioned the 4 thousand that my x in laws contributed towards the cost of the van. I was suppose to be grateful, thankful and not expecting anything else for the maintenance of the van since they helped to purchase it. --- DDA is such a sick sorry ass excuse of an attorney. I can not believe how dumb he is. (but that’s another story). Grandpa Don purchased savings bonds for Brianna, then he did so for Jake and I do not know if it was done for Karma. Recently, DDA informed me there is not money held in trust, bonds or otherwise for the kids. (which again struck me as seriously wrong since I have in my possession a savings bond in the name of Jake and Jake believes his grandma has $ saved for his college because she told him that when they went to the bank one day!---I think if in fact there is no more savings for our kids it is likely because Francis is using his moms money to drag out our legal matters so he can avoid paying what he owes DDA says he is "representing" his client I call it exploiting!) of course this is an attorney who has in writing, stated a bold face lie about his client being “cleared of any wrong doing”, in a particular situation that has yet to be concluded. But for me, the sad part of their position, Francis and DDA is that I owe him because Briannas grandparents provided her with savings bonds. It was for OUR daughters needs. They act like the needs are mine, and for me. They fail to recognize it is for our children, and these children are ours. I remember Francis complaining about how long it took him at Wells Fargo to cash the savings bonds. He said it took over 45 mins! He was complaining like it was the end of the world. Oh my how I do NOT miss those complaints! (actually there is not one thing I miss about him) .
So, anyway as I said the trading in this Bri Van would cut the tie that binds us in regards to the Bri Van. I kinda really like the thought of that! Although, honestly I LOVE my 5 speed Mazda!--ok for now, I lay myself down to sleep…hoping tomorrow will provide me with some direction. As for today, its been a bit of a blur really. Shock and disappointment topped with fear…its very scary to not have a safe mode of transportation for Brianna. It makes me feel like an irresponsible parent, which is exactly the opposite of what I strive to be. I know I am not quite right where I began, thankfully to some very special friends who have helped ease the brunt of today’s news.
