Kismet----

I am being sued for libel and IIED by the attorney who represented my X husband in our family law matters beginning in 2009. In October I was sent a cease and desist letter which I did not respond to.

I was served the complaint dated 12/10/12 on 12/26/12 in which the petitioner, Limpo represented my X, ( was self represented), just before the last hearing for Noble v Noble. 
Limpo is no longer the attorney of record for my x as of 12/26/12.

The basis of his (Limpoi's) suit stems from unfavorable reviews I posted on YELP, which Limpo managed to have removed as well as my account closed and statements that I have written on FB (my personal page which has privacy settings set for friends only) as well as comments that I have written in this blog.
My position is that what I stated in this blog and on my yelp reviews is either my belief, my opinion my thoughts or it is true-and I believe I can establish the validity of any statements that are factual in nature. I have shared my experience via this blog as a matter of social interest for other individuals who are either representing themselves, who are otherwise stuck in a protracted litigation, or who are in a single parenting situation. I have shared information I believe to be educational in nature to help provide a better understanding of  the process as well as the human nature.

I informed Limpo early on I would file a complaint with the bar for what I believe to be unethical conduct, (violations of the California Rules of Professional Conduct). This conduct I speak of ranges from exploitation of his client (my x) to fraud and even forgery. During a contempt motion Limpo filed on me I informed him I would file a malicious prosecution action, (the contempt motion was subsequently dropped). I may have even communicated my thoughts of filing an IIED against him as I found his behavior to be beyond unprofessional --to me as his ‘opponent’ in the courtroom and his conduct is what I think a reasonable person would consider extremely outrageous in representing his client (my x). He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me-and continued until the date of this service-- which I see as an extension of his outrageous behavior which includes his abuse of the family law system and our judicial process in general.
I do not go looking for this trouble, yet I seem to find myself in it.  That is where one with a presumed position of authority takes advantage of others (and/or myself), or said person who holds a position of "authority" is negligent in some fashion that is unconscionable for me and I choose to act, rather than remain silent. I chose to be a part of a solution (or try to) rather than be part of the ongoing problem.
　

Leoni Licks for Kicks!

SCV-252874 LEONI V. NOBLE Defamation 12/10/2012 LEONI, CHARLES J. (PL) (REYNOLDS, RICHARD L BENNETT, SAMUELSEN, REYNOLDS, ALLARD 1301 MARINA VILLAGE PKWY # 300 ALAMEDA CA 94501 1084) NOBLE, VERONIKA (CD)  

Always amusing to me when passion disguised as anger (or worse pain) remains and is acted out in the most passive aggressive behavior, possible.  -Worse is when the aggressor attempts to turn into the victim-the dirtiest deeds will flush out-the one with the clean hands will be the one--I mean the won.

Thinking my new blog may be titled "Leoni Licks for Kicks!" Hahaha...I can't believe  he wants to do this! Modern era David versus Goliath! 
Sad petitioner Mom (that be me) ends 2012 as a winner, defendant Dads attorney (that be Leoni) ends 2012 as the loser. And Dad remains a victim.
Pathological Dys-Function...I believe we are all pathological. I have a theory on borderline personality disorder which I look forward to putting in print...(some day).
In a DAVID v. GOLIATH situation it is very common for the petitioner to suffer from a "personality disorder" (it is said that one can not be cured of a personality disorder however I do not subscribe to that belief. And I also think everyone behaves in personality disordered ways at some point).
The most common ones to be found on either side in the courtroom, plaintiff/attorney, are NARCISSISTIC and PARANOID personality.
Simply defined as;
NARCISSISTIC--self centered, selfish, arrogant, lacks empathy, and has a sense of entitlement.
PARANOID--distrustful of others, hypersensitive, and quick to react angrily

Throughout this process I have learned to lose with great humility but more so I have learned to win with grace

The ad to my blog is 2009divorcedrama2012. I chose this because it represents the beginning of the legal end of my marriage, 2009 -and I had hoped it would also represent the end of the divorce drama with my x 2012 . Hope is a good thing to have, I believe in sending out intention as well. Faith is necessary to continue on especially in times of uncertainty and overwhelm. I have complete faith in myself and I realize that what I also fear the most is also myself.

It is December 2012 and I was almost right about this marking the end of my divorce drama. I may in fact be right…but only time will tell to confirm such. I was in Sonoma County again for a family law hearing. A motion I filed seeking reimbursement for child support add-ons. This was quite silly, I thought since we had a hearing on 9/20/12 over the same matter and I thought the judge was quite clear on why she ruled the way she did and that this would set the precedent for how her future rulings might be.

Three years of in and out of the courtroom process has given me quite an experience with the letter of the law and courtroom etiquette. A court trial is different than a jury trial whereas a jury trial verdict is determined by the jury. The jury that’s me, that’s you that’s your neighbor, your dog walker, your alcoholic cousin etc. A court trial rests all its performance on the decision of the judge. The judge knows the law, hears the facts asks the questions…is one preferable over the other? I don’t know--but for me being an emotional pleader I think I would feel better with a jury of my peers to decide upon my fate (legal outcome). A juror may understand and through the deliberation process what one agrees with and another doesn’t is presumably ’discussed’ until there is a mutual understanding that is acceptable to all the jurors, (or at least the majority if it be a civil matter) thus they then can render a verdict. I don’t know how many jurors need to be in agreement for a civil trial I think that number has changed some over the time and of course a criminal trial is a unanimous decision by the jury. The difference being the civil trial has a burden of proof that is set as a “preponderance” of the evidence which means about 51% and a criminal trial has a burden of proof that is ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’. Oh let me make mention here that I am NOT an attorney nor do I represent to be one and in fact anything which I am stating here in my blog is of my own personal opinion, belief, feeling or understanding. So hopefully this will avoid any misrepresentation or other confusion that a reader may develop as a result of reading my blog, my thoughts, my feelings, my understandings, my opinions my take on things, my blog. Ok, hopefully that legal disclaimer will suffice.

Now, on to the end of My DIVORCE DRAMA 2009-2012.

As I stated I was back in the courtroom on 12/26/12 this was an odd day for me, an irony of such that I seem to find throughout my life experience, I call it the karmic circle. Carl Jung would call it synchronicity. You see on 12/26/10 there was an incident at our family home which necessitated the police being called. My now x husband threw our daughter on her bed because he was having trouble getting her cooperation to go to bed. She was not hurt but she was manhandled, and this was not acceptable. This would be the first time I called the police for their assistance (looking back at my marriage now I don’t know why I hesitated to do so at other disturbing times of physical damage/destruction to property). I remembered when the police were called my x says “oh you have got to be kidding”, then he rumbled, “I am outa here”, and I was holding our sniffling daughter, Karma in my arms as he walked past us in the narrow hallway and I so wanted to grab him and demand that he stay put until the police came I actually had a vision where I did put my hands on him to stop and he then of course fought back and then we both would be physically attacking each other (that never happened ever during our marriage). I watched him walk away and had a sigh of relief that he was gone and tried to compose myself so I could tend to our children. As I sat on the phone with the police I realized that my “old behavior” is that behavior that wanted to physically stop him and demand that he face the consequences of his actions. My “old behavior” was abusive just as his was/is. I was proud of myself for identifying the obvious change in me and this motivated me to being an even better me than I ever was. It felt good to let him walk way, to let it go. Sometime later I was working on something or talking to someone and I had this insight that simply said “the day he threw my karma” and the sound resonated so much within me. That was the day he threw my karma, meaning whatever karmic circle I was in when my daughter (whos name is Karma) was thrown and I took the healthy, appropriate action that was in fact the day my karma changed-and I was thrown outa the sick circle I was in. So, 12/26 is the day ‘my karma was thrown’. This 12/26 was our last court date for the year! And as it turns out there are no more Noble V Noble family law matters in Sonoma or San Diego County for the first time in 4 years! (I don’t know how long that will last but I’m appreciating it for now!). Ironically also- on 12/26 another memorable event took place, which I had forgotten all about until this year. I was sharing with my sister the story of my x throwing Karma on 12/26, the day after Christmas, and how I thought its ironic that our court date is 12/26, she reminded me that our parents were married on 12/26! --- It so makes sense, my parents union occurred 12/26/60, through them I became, also through them I inherited a whole lotta family dysfunctional patterning. And it (my karma) was thrown and ended on 12/26/10. Now, on 12/26/12 our court hearing went 100% in my favor. Which signifies what for me? I don’t really know-other than I must be doing something right? -----

This court appearance was different, as I am now different. Change is inevitable throughout out any life changing process. I think you have to work pretty hard to remain the same throughout many lessons tossed your way to learn from to grow from, to gain wisdom. As the saying goes ‘history repeats itself’ and ‘Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”. This time around I felt different. I am sick and tired of  DDA and his face! I hate hearing his voice especially when he sounds so obnoxiously aggressive and arrogant to the judge! I hate the condescending look he gives to me and the stare downs he does as he walks by, he glares at me. Such a sick feeling. All I think is what is wrong with that guy! He’s an attorney, and an attorney is supposed to have a professional manner and appearance. Anyway, I knew I would be served, I told several friends of mine I bet I will be served I bet DDA will serve me again before our court appearance. I wish I had never put out that expectation, but I did. I expected to be served. So when I arrived just after 8a and I was approached by some old overweight guy and asked my name and handed papers I was not surprised. I was like I knew it! But then, then I looked at the papers and I didn't understand them! What the X@#$(%$ is this? Personal injury? Huh? Then I saw multiple lines with figures like $10,000 and $25,00 repeated throughout the page finally my focus was able to clear some and I read that DDA is suing me for Libel and Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. Well, I cant say I didn't see that one coming. Because I had been on pins and needless since October when I was sent a cease and desist letter by the supposed law firm that DDA retained to represent him against me. I never responded to the cease and desist letter because there was nothing to cease and desist from doing. Had it been sent to me earlier perhaps last year maybe even mid year this year it may have made more sense. But at this point it made no sense as I was done, done with putting attention on DDA and allowing myself to be distracted by what I consider to be his unethical and ill-advised guidance of my x husband. I approached DDA and I informed him this suit does not rattle me. He served me a different time once right before our hearing was to be heard. There were some pretty heavy issues to be resolved that hearing date he sucker punched me outa no where and served me with a change in custody motion. To say I handled that well would be such an understatement! Tho-I did find comic relief in the fact that on that summons was our mediation date, May 3, 2012, which happened to also be the date we married, May 3, only nine years earlier. Ok so, DDA had begun what I had hoped would be a peaceful hearing before the judge with an attack of extreme measurement. I had been telling my friends I felt different this time, this time going to court, this time after so much has transpired from the beginning. I don’t know what the judge will do nor was I really invested in her ruling I had been preparing myself for days she can rule on NOTHING for me, she can rule on SOMETHING for me or she can rule on EVERYTHING for me. It was all about money I was seeking reimbursement for child support matters that I felt where due as a matter of our previous court orders including the judges ruling in September 2012 as well as our original MSA. So I knew, I could get nothing, I could get something or I could get everything. DDA filled out the issue sheet and handed it to me, I completed my side. I then approached DDA and asked him if he was ready to act like a professional and discuss this. He said “get out of my personal space”. The exchanges that happened between DDA and myself were quite disturbing, yet also very consistent with most all other exchanges that occurred between he and I. My friend who was there to support me acknowledged her feelings in that she felt he was trying to provoke me so I would hit him! I She was worried because he seemed to her to be very provocative. He mimicked both her and I displaying what we consider to be very unprofessional behavior. I have always felt he tries to intimidate me and he tries to ridicule me. Stupidly, on my part I have spoken clearly, with direction and assertiveness. I say stupidly because I think I have bruised his ego, though I did that from the get go of our process in 2009 when I sent him an e mail informing him of what I consider to be exploitation of a client. DDA and I never had a productive working relationship (in my opinion) and the bulk of our legal matters have been dealt with my being pro se- otherwise known as representing oneself. The last time I had retained an attorney who was willing to assist me in enforcing the child support order (who was the same attorney who assisted me with the move away order) something was said between DDA and he that changed the mind of the attorney willing to assist me. I don’t know what was said, I do know what (my) attorney told me about what DDA said and even though I had a different position than DDA (my) attorney dropped me.--- (this attorney dropped me because he was willing to assist me with no cash upfront, after an exchange between him and DDA on the date that said attorney was going to file he told me he couldn't represent me unless I paid him his retainer. Which clearly was not the agreement we had in place.). I have been dealing with DDA on my own and my thoughts, and feelings about him as an attorney haven’t changed much. His lawsuit against me actually validates my position in many ways. I have said my x is a drama king as is DDA, in my opinion. And Sadly, though this could have been the end of my divorce drama, (for now) it is not as DDA is dragging the drama on with his complaint.

So back in the courtroom again. This was a quick process with the usual theatrics from DDA but this time I was not triggered at all. I had my plan, my outline, my facts and my mental bearing about me. I had no idea what manipulation DDA would perform to “zealously advocate” for his client and I had no investment to what the judge orders. I tried my best, I was prepared, I was being reasonable and I was acting as professional as I possibly could. I did not think I would be awarded everything, if anything I was afraid the judge might be annoyed with the fact that we were before her disputing the same (types) of claim that we had just done only 3 months prior. In no way at all did I expect to be awarded everything, but I was. She also gave my x a mini lecture about his needing to communicate and that he cant just not respond as a way to refuse responsibility. My response to being awarded everything was “wow”. But far greater than that was the judges comments about my being “very good at representing myself” she continued to say I am as good and even better than many other attorneys. She had a perplexed look on her face but I could also tell she was being genuinely truthful. When she said that part about being better than other attorneys she looked at DDA as if to get a nod of agreement from him but DDA was looking down. I’m sure my x probably hated to hear the kudos as well, especially since I have blamed him for my inability to complete law school years earlier.

Before this hearing when I realized my X was willing to spend up to $4000 to object to paying me $1600 I finally realized it isn't about the money. As if my evidence of my x paying his attorney who knows how much instead of just following the court order wasn't enough for me to “get it”. Prior to this court date I got it. My x doesn't care about the money he spends on DDA to contest matters with me my x only cares about seeking revenge. When I sent an e mail to my x stating how interesting I thought it was that he who is so interested in the money matters is willing to spend up to $4k to object to paying me $1600 I noted that its true money cant buy you happiness but it can buy you vengeance. Or can it? As we left the courthouse DDA and my x were standing there as our daughter karma had just purchased something from the vending machine and she was between her dad and I. I said to DDA, stupidly still, “nice work DDA. Until we meet again”. I watched my x walk out with DDA and as they were talking I just wondered what was my x thinking. I so badly wanted to send him a text saying “ha! Now you get to pay over $6000 because you refused to pay me $1600”, but I didn't  because that would be old behavior. Throughout this process I have learned to lose with great humility but more so I have learned to win with grace.

Oh P.S. since the case status conference for DDA's suit is sched for April 11^th I offered to make visitation arrangements with my X since it is also Spring Break. I did expect to get served on 12/26 but only because the last court ordered visitation was scheduled for 12/27 -12/30/12 which my x was not interested in.

And I may have to change my blog ad to 2009divorceattorneydrama2015 J

Who can it be knocking at my door, Is it the process server to come destroy me? To take my childrens livelihood away? Why do they terror me??

               Who can it be knocking at my door? Go 'way, don't come 'round here no more.

             I'm very tired and I'm not feeling right. Stay away, don't you invade my home.

                       Who can it be knocking at my door? Make no sound, tip-toe across   the floor.

                     If he hears, he'll knock all day, I'll be trapped and here I'll have to stay.

         I've done no harm, I keep to myself . There's nothing wrong with my state of mental health ….

                   I like it here with my children. Is it the process server come to destroy me?

            To take my children’s livelihood away? Why do they terror me?----------------

Ahhhhhhhh frumphyfrumphydumphydumpity dump! --- So, it is that time again, several things have happened in the continuation of the divorce drama journey I am on, which I continue to attribute largely to the pathology of DDA. Much to much for me to cover in the short period of time I am able to blog right now, so the specifics will follow in true blog form at a later date.

Today, I’m not feeling well, having trouble sleeping a bit the past week or so. Which is kind of typical for the demands the beginning of the month bring to me. The most recent court hearing on 9/20 did award a dollar amount for past due child support that my x has refused to pay. On both a good and a bad note, the judge set a repayment amount to be garnished by his wages. This is good because it guarantees the collection will continue until the arrears are paid in full, this is bad because the repayment plan amount is a very, very minimal amount all things considered L . The losses I have incurred due to the failure to cooperate and the pure vengeance on the part of my X, guided by DDA seem insurmountable . …….. (and continue…)

 At this time my X has refused to fully reimburse me per the orders of the court, again. This is not a surprise to me, as I noted before, my X is good for not much. What I didn’t expect this time however, was the reasoning my X states for his refusal to comply and provide full reimbursement.  I felt his “reasons” were attacks on me, perhaps on my creditability? My personhood? My integrity? (oh wait, I think those 3 are all in the same, my personhood is compromised of my integrity which establishes my creditability). I don’t know… I don’t know what happened, other than I am a human being with feelings and emotions and the response from my X was argumentative and hurtful. I felt like he was attacking me and wants to continue to battle with me, rather than be compliant or even reasonable. I requested his percentage of our children’s birthday party to be reimbursed, he refused. Our MSA states we share the cost of our children’s birthday parties. He refused, his reasoning is : “I never gave approval nor was I present for it to be a joint party”….. what I am about to disclose now is truly heartbreaking… Our children, Jake turned 9 and Karma turned 7 were wanting their dad to attend their birthday party. Jake and Karma agreed to a joint party (which I thought would be more cost effective). I communicated via text to Francis was he in agreement with the kids birthday party choice of celebration and would he mind giving up 2 hours of his court ordered visit to attend the birthday party (I offered to make up the 2 hours by extending the visit or adding it to the next day). His response was brief and simply stated that he “was working that weekend”. Which dumbfounded me a bit since ‘that weekend’ was his court ordered, supervised visitation weekend. I asked him if he were not planning on visiting the kids per the court order. No response. No response, no surprise. I think, this is how he thinks he escapes responsibility-- by avoiding communication. ----so this is to me the most painful. Our children, 2 of our 3 were celebrating their birthday and sooo excited! And it was their dads visitation weekend and their dad opted not to attend. Both Jake and Karma asked him them self if he can come to their party. When he told Jake he was working Jake hung the phone up and said “what kind of dad would rather work than be at their kids birthday party”. Jake was very sad by his dads choice and I don’t think Francis understands how he himself is responsible for the disintegrating relationship between him and our kids. The kids will remember their birthday party as it was a success (I think) and they had a great time. They would have had even more fond memories of their birthday if they had their dad there to help them celebrate. Anyway, so be it. Their dad is harmful. His actions are painful not just to me but to our children (not that this should surprise me any, since he failed to attend to Brianna when she was undergoing a seven hour back operation and the slow recovery that followed, so, though it shouldn’t surprise me it kinda did). It was his court ordered visitation weekend! ----

The current divorce drama has me baffled and I guess paranoid, or if not paranoid perhaps its justifiable concern--- about DDA and his involvement, I mean, representation of Francis. I received a ‘cease and desist’ letter on behalf of DDA, the letter writer claims that DDA has retained their law firm to represent him in pursuit of a civil action against me. So, my X husbands attorney has now retained an attorney to sue me. This, while DDA continues to represent my X in contested child support matters. So----hmmmmm the letter I received was quite disturbing. It was very scary, very threatening and very attacking. I would like to say it didn't bother me, it didn't worry me, it didn't concern me, because DDA is an ego driven narcissist (as is my X). but that would not be the truth if I did say that, I do believe DDA and my X are ego driven narcissists. However, of course it worries me, it greatly concerns me. The lawyer for DDA is threatening to seek an extremely large amount of monetary damages from me. I cant even afford to shelter, feed and clothe my children in the manner they deserve. So, my X wants to again refuse to make the expected child support reimbursement to me and now in addition to this stressful hardship DDA wants to seek ….seek…..? Seek I don’t know what? Perhaps DDA just wants to seek and destroy (me)??? (Since DDA is privy to my financial portfolio or ah I mean my income and expense declaration, he knows there is only a hole in my pocket, unlike my X, I don’t have a mother with deep pockets). Any strange knock at the door is terrifying  any big packet in the mail is cause for a deep breath to pause and brace myself, for fear its related to DDA. (I have been traumatized by the relentless abuse of the legal process at the hands of DDA)

I completed the paperwork needed to file the motion for a dollar amount award. (so this means a return to court). I hesitated, because I read underlining threats in the letter from DDA lawyer which I think are attempts to prevent me from taking any further legal actions. Is it true Justice prevails? Will conduct and order's ever be carried out in my divorce drama be it Noble V. Noble or DDA V Noble ??? -- I am not an attorney, nor am I an advocate for any party in this matter, I am the MATTER!! What began as a typical endeavor (divorce process) has evolved into a never ending nightmare. There were times where I felt empowered at the results of the process and the leading up to the court appearances etc. It is a game. I love to win, and I have now learned how to lose. There are two sides and each side will often do what they think they need to do, or can get away with. Sadly, I have learned through the work product of  DDA and his performance, that an involved party, such as an attorney, will do anything even if it is illegal and unethical.

On May 21, 2012 I sent an e mail to DDA it read “While its been quite a stimulating mental exchange of wits I am withdrawing from the circular nonsense of irrelevant and derogatory communication under the guise of legal procedure..." . And I meant it. I had fully come to the realization that my focus had been diverted from my goal of what is best for my family, towards uncovering the incompetence and the hostility that is abundantly apparent with DDA and Francis. I had this deep insight, where I realized I was acting just as pathetic as DDA. -- I was once the ‘mouthpiece’ for Francis, I took care of all our problems, made all the things we needed happen, made all the plans, all the decisions, and took all the responsibility…DDA replaced me in the pursuit of Francis getting his needs met. Francis is still unable to be independent, rational and mature enough to cooperatively co parent, but he doesn't have to. He is paying for DDA who is taking advantage of this codependent dynamic that lies within my X. I finally understood, my ego was battling DDA's ego, which is not at all what’s in the best interest for Brianna, Jacob or Karma (or any of my friends who have to hear me ventJ ) . I willfully engaged in this battle of egos not because of a psychological deficit within myself, but because what was happening was simply wrong. A court order, an agreement, is black and white. Follow it, its right, manipulate it, its wrong. DDA's is a master manipulator. There is the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. I innocently believe(d) the letter of the law would prevail, especially when the spirit of the law is being abused. The optimist I am, the underdog by nature, the advocate for justice I will always be, I felt obligated to reveal the inappropriateness of  DDA’s actions, ethically and legally. (I still feel that way). As the protracted litigation continued, being unrepresented meant I had to represent myself as best I could. (and still do). This meant a continuance of insults and personal attacks between DDA and myself. All at the financial expense of my X and my children’s grandmother, and at the emotional expense of myself and our children. On September 8^th, 2012 I sent a communication to DDA that simply stated “I am done”. Meaning I am done playing games, and I was. I am. I am done playing games, however, for me this divorce drama has turned from gamesmanship into survival of the fittest. And surviving must take priority, especially since I am solely responsible for three wonderfully amazing children who deserve a happy and healthy childhood.

And so, as I began this blog, who can it be now….knocking at my door??? I don’t feel well, I didn't sleep well so stressed over my X‘s noncompliance and DDA's personal vendetta, and I now have a headache…. Here I am laying here trying to feel better….then someone pounds on the door. WTF. OUCH my head, my whole body goes into shock…fear…..@***Who is that? My heart races, the wheels start spinning in my brain all I can think is DDA! --- total panic--I’m not expecting anyone. How the hell…..I live in a gated complex, I live in a secure building! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN???? Good God, I think I’m being served! I’m not answering the door, hell I’m not moving!

　

　

　

　

　
　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

　

Right back where I started from…..

Funny how life unravels itself to you. This morning after watching my daughter, Brianna get loaded into the school bus I looked towards our home and thought how perfect, as I walked toward the garage. We have the perfect apartment location. Not the first floor which is kind of a bummer because people walking at ground level can see in your home, and the way the parking spaces are you will almost always be disturbed with cars pulling in and out. We have a great parking lot because it is totally enclosed, the lot and the garage. Some other buildings do not have enclosed parking lots. I like the sense of safety this provides me. I took a deep breath in and at 7:35 a.m. I walked with my other 2 kids with a smile on my face, thinking I got this apartment sight unseen, and I got lucky.--

Then I thought well that’s just kind of how I am, (risk taking not lucky!). I also bought my car sight unseen-which I love. And, it all began by buying or better put by “receiving” a van sight unseen. This van I mention is what my whine/wine is about tonight. My daughter gets around in a wheelchair, and only a wheelchair. The van I had been driving was having some mechanical issues and it wasn’t feasible to modify it for a lift, which was what was soon going to be needed as Brianna moved into a larger size chair, and not one that could be taken apart, folded or otherwise fit into an automobile. With the assistance of North Bay Regional Center, and the generosity of Brianna’s grandpa who purchased her savings bonds these resources were combined to purchase the van, our van, known as the Bri Van. I found this van on Craigslist and was desperate for a safe mode of transportation for Brianna. Being in the beginnings of a divorce money was very, very tight. For me this was a reality check of sorts. As I anticipated the future as a single mom it included the hardships a single parent might endure. And in my case it was apparent to me that Francis was not going to be supportive unless he was required to do so. I imagined myself being in this situation as a single mom with 3 kids, and now I am in this situation, as a single mom with 3 kids. ----

Little did I know that Francis would not even be supportive when required to do so!--if a court order is not enough to motivate one to be supportive, or simply to be compliant what will?----

Ok, back to my wine, I mean my whine. My van. I mean the Bri Van. I finally took it to a service center today, fortunately it was right down the street from my home. Then I received the dreaded call no one ever wants to receive from an auto shop it starts like this “I don’t have good news for you…” my heart stopped at that point as I hardened up to receive the blow of bad news, and “it appears you have a blown head gasket” is what followed…(oh f***) is all I thought. I shifted into professional mode which allows me to input difficult information while remaining present so I can conclude the conversation. Then I did what any woman would do, I texted my closest girl friends so they can receive the blow of my bad news in the hopes that somehow that might lesson the thump. One friend responded back with “that’s expensive”, to which I impulsively responded with “oh do you think?”, another friend suggested I check around, even Craigslist to which I again, impulsively responded with “brilliant”. UGH. That is when I realized these friends were just trying to be helpful and/or supportive and did not deserve my sarcasm nor did I have a right to express my anger at them (however slight it was). --

Anyway, my closest friend asked me if I was going to tell Francis, and ask for help since its an emergency and I am in dire need. No I am not. I simply responded back to her that I thought telling him our kids have no food to eat and I cant pay the rent was an even bigger emergency, and yet he cared nothing, he didn't respond at all. He didn't help then, I wouldn't expect him to help now. DESPITE the order of the court which states he shall reimburse me for 50% of the costs to the van and for the needs of Brianna due to her disabilities. This is one of the pending matters that will be heard on 9/20.

It is very strange, we always shared the expenses of the Bri van, that is before I moved. We shared the insurance, we shared the registration and we shared the little repair that was done as well as the work to modify the lift. It was agreed upon by us that the van goes with Bri. It is her van, for her needs. So, when he had visitation with Brianna he would have the van. He has refused to pay for ½ the insurance and the registration and he has refused to pay for some repair that has been done to it since moving to So.Cal. He did however, write a check for ½ the amount for new tires. I am not sure what prompted him to do that, while failing to comply with the previous requests. Anyway, I just want 9/20 done and over with. The judge will rule as she do and I will be fine with that. (I will have to be fine with that!). I know that I am doing what I can do for my kids, and everything I do is for them and their future. Yes, I removed them from Nor Cal. I moved them away from their father. But that too was in their best interest. I am here. I can say it now, I moved them away from their father. I moved them away from him so they can have a happy, healthy childhood.

Anyway, back to the van. In my textcussion with my BFF I told her I am kind of thinking about trading in my Mazda and the van for a new (new to me that is) adapted van. That way I will only have one car to maintain. And that would be the final tie between he and I. In DDA’s paperwork he mentioned the 4 thousand that my x in laws contributed towards the cost of the van. I was suppose to be grateful, thankful and not expecting anything else for the maintenance of the van since they helped to purchase it. --- DDA is such a sick sorry ass excuse of an attorney. I can not believe how dumb he is. (but that’s another story). Grandpa Don purchased savings bonds for Brianna, then he did so for Jake and I do not know if it was done for Karma. Recently, DDA informed me there is not money held in trust, bonds or otherwise for the kids. (which again struck me as seriously wrong since I have in my possession a savings bond in the name of Jake and Jake believes his grandma has $ saved for his college because she told him that when they went to the bank one day!---I think if in fact there is no more savings for our kids it is likely because Francis is using his moms money to drag out our legal matters so he can avoid paying what he owes DDA says he is "representing" his client I call it exploiting!) of course this is an attorney who has in writing, stated a bold face lie about his client being “cleared of any wrong doing”, in a particular situation that has yet to be concluded. But for me, the sad part of their position, Francis and DDA is that I owe him because Briannas grandparents provided her with savings bonds. It was for OUR daughters needs. They act like the needs are mine, and for me. They fail to recognize it is for our children, and these children are ours. I remember Francis complaining about how long it took him at Wells Fargo to cash the savings bonds. He said it took over 45 mins! He was complaining like it was the end of the world. Oh my how I do NOT miss those complaints! (actually there is not one thing I miss about him) .

So, anyway as I said the trading in this Bri Van would cut the tie that binds us in regards to the Bri Van. I kinda really like the thought of that! Although, honestly I LOVE my 5 speed Mazda!--ok for now, I lay myself down to sleep…hoping tomorrow will provide me with some direction. As for today, its been a bit of a blur really. Shock and disappointment topped with fear…its very scary to not have a safe mode of transportation for Brianna. It makes me feel like an irresponsible parent, which is exactly the opposite of what I strive to be. I know I am not quite right where I began, thankfully to some very special friends who have helped ease the brunt of today’s news.

　

　

　

Really--Who Cares?!Really!

In February while I was in the ICU with our daughter (age 11 with very many special needs) during her recovery from a very lengthy back operation, I was served with what I wish I could say was the last time of service from DDA and my x.  But its not, I think I have been served 2 if not 3 more times since February of 2012-- I have lost track. I can go on my FB account and see what I posted, since that tends to be my instant dumping ground for  the legal actions and unbelievable x husband dramatics. -- I will blog more, later, to back that claim up, but for now I’m simply posting the review I wrote on Yelp.  I was so disgusted that DDA would serve me with contempt charges during this very sensitive time, and also that the contempt matters (pleadings) were so messy and illogical it was just confusing! --- As I sat bedside our daughter I googled the name of DDA of Petaluma, to see what the information highway had on him (is it still called the information highway?) - DDA came up on Yelp! I was like AH! COOL!!!  Sadly there were no reviews though! Ah ha Moment!!!  you see I NEVER would have thought to yelp him-but since he was already on there a light bulb went on! --and so--in February I wrote this review, I  was very careful to only speak the truth etc. and I am surprised that DDA has not followed up with any legal action-as of yet- in regards to my poor review of  DDA, Attorney at Law .--- I wondered if he even read it, or if my x even knew about it, or read it.  I fantasized  about sending it to DDA himself to ensure he read it-- not that there's anything too new in it that I have not already verbalized to him, in person (usually in the courtroom halls of hell and sometime's in front of the honorable judge before us). I thought about sending it to him, them. And thought against it- since that would be drama producing. The last thing I want to do is produce the drama when it needn't be there.  I also thought it was kind of like manufacturing karma. And that’s just not right. I do what I do for myself and for the sake of my children. All I can do is do the best I can with the best of intentions that is doing the right thing when I can for the right reasons period.

   One court hearing this year, I do not recall which one, oh wait yes it was the contempt-- the bogus contempt matter that DDA has influenced my X to file and fund for their  ego's sake---(and DDA bank account)... at this hearing I’m before the judge in the contempt matter, first appearance, fortunately for me (or unfortunately since it is yet to be determined/tried) Contempt is a quasi criminal matter, therefore I am entitled to legal representation if I am unable to afford so on my own, at the expense of the county (thanks Sonoma County! feels kinda good getting some return for my 40 years of residency there!)---I requested legal counsel be appointed to me, as I can not afford an attorney myself.. should he (the judge) find there is a triable issue before him. I don’t think Judge Boyd, (who coincidentally I had for Contracts while I was experiencing a short lived law school education), read the matter much-DDA prevailed to make legal contemptible sense out of pure nonsense! -In any event, the matter is due to be heard soon, very soon and I have a criminal defense attorney to represent me. So at least the verbal challenge of legalities can be exchanged between equally qualified and equally emotionally removed parties. –

Anyhow, I never did e mail the yelp review to DDA or my X. To this day I do not know if my X is aware of it (nor do I care). I do know that DDA is aware of it though.  For the first time EVER DDA approaches me in the hallway of hell, after the judge ordered an attorney to represent me, and he asked me what was my "proposal" I was dumbfounded! what the hell was he talking about!! my proposal?? Pay what is owed to me and drop all your nonsense and pay as ordered moving forward and all will be fine-is what I was thinking. I looked at him like he was crazy! MY PROPOSAL!!  He is the one nailing me to the courtroom wall what the hell does he want? (a question I have asked both he and the X several times, for which I have not received an answer) And HE is the one that is WILLFULLY not following a court order!! ---anyway I managed to think of something that would be acceptable to me so DDA can pass it on to my x. DDA then says he will call me.....(this whole time I failed to remember that I now had legal representation and DDA should not have bothered speaking to me at all!! EXCEPT-----in the middle of DDA's attempt to discuss propositions with me, he paused and asked me "what’s with this yelp review? What’s that about?", and I must admit, though I was intensely engaged  in dialogue with him, while thinking about the legal maze of what’s ahead for me and my heart rate was sky high, when I saw his sorry, pathetic, frustrated face stare at me awkwardly asking about the yelp review, for an instant I felt satisfied! My heart rate quickly decreased as I  realized he had read it, he is aware of it. This was very satisfying for me. I was thrown off by this inappropriate question which again, my x is paying for this discussion and it has nothing to do with my x himself. I quickly responded by telling him to "read it. Google it and read it yourself!" that was the end of that...... the review stayed on for quite sometime...(I think) I know when I posted other reviews it was still on, but then last month it came to my attention that it was removed (?) oh bizarre! why I wondered? how the hell did DDA manage that? I was very careful to not violate the TOS etc. as well as break other laws etc. Whatever, who cares. I got my rush off of it. Done deal. -- so I thought. Nope that wasn’t enough for me. What I don’t understand is how one man who is simply evil and a blatant "Wrong doer" goes about continuing to be evil and practice wrongful actions etc. and "get away with it".  Truth is I don’t know what he’s getting away with. I would think he is as miserable as I think my x is given his (and his) behavior etc. and there must be some form of self medicating going on cuz how else could you live with yourself, totally oblivious to the erroneous ways of your thinking / actions. Other than of course by being soul-less... anyway I wasn’t over it- so I simply cut and pasted it and re-posted!  I almost felt as good as the first time I posted! but now I had notice that its likely to be removed again, and you know what? who cares...who cares really. because if you are on yelp looking for an attorney that’s already a bad situation to be in! --- So, now, in my attempts to win an I pad, I posted another review for our kids awesome dentist office--and I noticed my review of DDA was once again removed.  I took a big sigh, because really, who cares?, well I guess I do, because once again  I cut and pasted and re-posted! -- but this time, for real if it is removed, or should I say when its removed, I wont repost. Or at least not right away, because really who cares?  Really. Oh well--- oh and also because I have posted it on my blog!—(because I care!)

**edited YELP review since removed by YELP at the request/demand of DDA.

7/2/2012

 Dads Divorce Attorney (DDA) was referred by his father Dr.Leoni. Dr.Leoni was the medical doctor for my in laws.  The doctor dad and son lawyer both had office in the same building in Petaluma. According to my x husband, DDA was hired by his parents to assist them in protecting the future of their  financial assets and safeguarding the family estate.
When my husband and I separated DDA was retained for representation.  DDA was then known as  "the family attorney".  I suggested to my x husband  that he seek  someone who specializes in family law, rather than a general practitioner.   A general practitioner means you can practice in a variety  of law areas. It seems to me it would be nearly impossible to be up to date in both law and procedure in every aspect of the law in general.  Currently DDA's website states "Practice Areas:  DUI Defense*Personal Injury*Criminal Law*Wills*Trusts*Business Law*Workers Comp*Family Law ".  If I am going to see a practitioner for heart problems, I would want to see a cardiologist,  someone who practices that specialty, not a general practitioner.    No divorce is easy and without emotions even the most amicable  one. A divorce however, should be treated by someone who specializes in that area to hopefully avoid undo harm and expenses as much as possible. I retained a very reputable, honest and professional attorney named Thomas Coombs (of Santa Rosa), who was a member of the IACP, (Collaborative Divorce Procedure). My attorney was unable to work in a collaborative manner with DDA.
DDA's website states **"I represent clients in many Bay Area Courts. Whether you live in Petaluma, Novato, Santa Rosa, Cotati, San Rafael, Ronhert Park, Penngrove, Windsor, Novato, San Rafael, Sebastapol or Forestville or any other area in the Bay Area I would like to discuss your case.", so he practices to a large part of the Nor Cal area  meaning that's a lot to know-of rules of the court, courtroom etc.
I would not recommend DDA for a family law matter.  During the initial phase of our divorce he failed to provide information to my x husband (period) and other information in a timely manner and made a few other errors or as my attorney called them "oversights". (I called it stupidity). Throughout that whole process I regularly suggested to my x he retain a competent family law attorney (I think each parent should have competent and responsible representation to avoid any exploitation and  manipulation).
I have been divorced since 2009 DDA is still retained by my x husband for our family law issues.  DDA has directed my x to not pay some of the court ordered child support costs until I take him back to court, (as I was told by my x).  DDA has had me served three times in  just the past 6 months (with what I consider NONSENSE motions), prior to this the other time of service was also senseless.   The wording DDA uses in his communication (the few letters *I have received) is unprofessional in my opinion. They have spelling /grammar errors and/or scribbles on the pages. The actual context itself doesn't make much sense to me- even the mediator who saw us in 2010  was "unclear" as to the motion that DDA had made on my x husbands behalf (after our divorce was final).  It seems DDA refuses to communicate with me other than in a courtroom  (as does my x).  I have made attempts to communicate with DDA in an appropriate and professional manner and he has hung up on me several times, he has raised his voice at me even more times.  It seems DDA's style is attack and intimidate. It is clear to me that DDA has little (if any) interest or concern for the welfare of our three children.   It has been my experience and in my opinion DDA has and continues to do my x husband, our three children and  their grandmother an injustice. I believe DDA is responsible for continuing  my Divorce Drama.

* I do not know what the attorneys who have represented me have received from DDA.
** This is a direct passage from his website, I did not error in documenting it here.  I believe this type of  'oversight' is representative of  DDA's work, given my experience with him.

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May 3, 2009

<<<<<Well looking for a doc. in my harddrive i came across this 'poem' I knew the copy i had i threw away when i was packing to move to So.Cal. I'm kinda glad i found this.....its still as fitting now as it was 3 years ago when i wrote it. and wow so much change has occurred... well for the Noble Family of 4 so much has changed, all wonderful and for the better!---- as far as the 'husband' it seems he actually hasn't changed except for the worse as far as parenting and co parenting responsibilities go. --- and i continue to move forward with lots of hope!

May 3, 2009

6 years ago today you took my hand and heart your way.
It was a new beginning for a song that had long lost its beat.
We shared laughter and tears
in the hopes of together riding out the remainder of our fears.

In my heart i believed we would be different,
we would last and change the legacy of our families past. 
But in my head, oh how i did dread so many things,
not to mention the tossing of your ring.
I thought i could do it, I could make it work.
I could accept you and the situation and with that make the best of it.

the love in our marriage was carried thru Brianna, Jacob and Karma. Somewhere along the line i lost you and knew eventually we would be through.
I tried and tried despite how you lied and lied.
It wasn't with purpose that you meant to hurt me,
I know it was all just to overwhelming for you to see.\

Its true actions speak louder than words
but boy your words certainly leave a sting.

There is so much that I am responsible for.
Once it was known to me, I had an improved ability to see.
together we tried, sometimes we even cried (well i did),
but be it as it were not even Seattle or Vegas could provide us with a cure.

I don't know how and when through the ups and downs the decision was made and soon the remains of this day would begin to fade.

Last year we were in Vegas and it was great
but upon return, in no time did it turn to hate.
This is our history, our legacy we hand down to our children.
It is with them in mind, I know this is right, they no longer need to be a part of the fight.

the way I want to live doesn't seem to match that of your choosing.
theres no more energy to give,
cuz we just keep on losing.
Its time to dissolve the vows we took, thereby letting both of us off the hook.

though the children we still share, they will forever be our mutual care.
I hope we can be better parents to them divorced,
than when we were husband and wife.
the time has come for my role as wife to end, and yours as husband to seize.

it would be great at some point if we could be each others friend.
But for now its time for my head and heart to begin to mend.

I am moving on, as much as it sucks to be alone I feel no different than when you were still living at home.

there is possibility and opportunity now, for us both
let us move forward with lots of  hope

Adios Amigo----Auf Wiedersehen

You probably expected me to fail,
 however it appears I continue to prevail.

You may have thought by default I would return,
However that is not the case as you soon would learn.

I have long outgrown you, I no longer know how you think.
Or why you act the way you do.

Our children represent a permanent link
connecting you and I........

I will likely continue to ask myself "why" ...
Why can't you accept and let go,
Forgive and let live.

The role you play continues to be a harmful one,
if only you could understand how much damage has been done.

The trouble I am in, is not what will do me in.
For in my future, I do see another great win.

The pains of the past return against my will,
it is these memories that allow me to get by---
when I think about how everything was such a lie.

Walking in the truth now, no denial in the way
no worry later, there's always a better day.

No matter what, here we are,
sadly we are not very far.

We are responsible for 3 others
all because we made the intoxicated mistake of becoming lovers.

I wonder if sobriety was in our life, would we have ever become husband and wife.

While sex may have been great its not enough for a relationship to make
intercourse does not equal intimacy,
it is an intimate connection that really is the key.

You have to know yourself
before you can know another-
otherwise you'll find yourself in relationship with a(nother) substitute mother

You probably think you are responsible,
but your really just a game playing fool.

I am glad there will be no more bio kids for you,
since you have little idea of what a fathers to do.
Try as you may perhaps you will figure it out some day--
that day is not here nor is it near ----

I only wish you had the heart to pay.

Till Death Do You Part……5/3/03 - 5/3/12

　

　
We married on May 3, 2003. It was a nice date. The weather had some rain in the a.m. but by the time our ceremony at St.James took place the rain was done. We had a short limo ride from the church to the now defunct golf course where our reception was held. - So, we made a little detour-- first we drove to the Dominos on McDowell blvd. this would be the location that first brought Francis and I together. He was the manager and I was a tip loving driver! (Back in the days when Dominos did guarantee you 30 mins or less and before other pizzas began delivering too!) We then drove thru the small city that we both had lived in for over 32 years! The limo driver was a cutie who always had a smile on his face! When he arrived at my house I was delighted to see that I knew him! (well kinda knew him) he was the driver for me and several others on a whirlwind getaway a few months prior- as part of a reward for being TOP money makers selling TupperwareJ ) when I opened the door and saw it was mark all I could think is Wow! It is such a small world! ----

Anyway, back to the day of our wedding… it was I assume as most day of weddings are-- there is anxiety yet excitement- there is smiles and tears-I don’t think there is usually doubt and regret but that is what I had carried within me despite all outward appearances.

When we arrived at the church I was pretty much ready to be done with this and let the party begin and the take off to HI for our honeymoon! I love Hawaii! Although when we were on our honeymoon I was very hurt that we had a fight---over a flower delivery to his parents for their anniversary, (I actually don’t know if they ever received those flowers or not). I remember thinking this is suppose to be the happiest time for us- not a time to fight especially over something so inconsequential. And despite the fact that I basically tailor made our tour plans to please him i still couldnt wait for our trip to begin. I still love Hawaii. I admit, I am easy, always have been and hope to always be. And as in declaring myself “easy” I mean easy going, easy to be entertained etc. I simply am easily amused!---

It was a smallish wedding with wonderful people in it and in attendance. I think I pulled my dad up the aisle, he was tugging on me saying slow down, I was bolting! the attention of everyone on me was too much (which is kinda ironic as I thrive off being the center of attention, I am one of those ‘loves to give speeches‘ kinda people!) ----

When Father Michael announced us as husband and wife the dj played James Brown “I Feel Good” . That was un expected change of shake up that moved everyone I think literally and figurative!
The reception at now defunct golf course was amazing! My friends decorated and it looked beautiful. Open bar, awesome catering, great d.j., video- and photographer! When I look at the pictures and remember how smooth everything went I have to admit it was rather story like in deed. I know this is because I had very wonderful people in my life and the day would not have been as incredible as it was with out them.--

-- When we (the wedding party) arrived at the reception area, we had selected the most appropriate music to announce the members of the wedding party--I remember we played the boys are back in town and pretty woman. Our flower children walked out into the background of “who let the dogs out” (maybe you had to be there?) and when we- were introduced what did we walk out to… hand in hand, arms in the air----LETS GET READY TO RUMBLE… wow little did I know a rumble was in deed what I was about to embark upon. An eternal boxing match,  V. Noble v.  F. Noble with unlimited rounds to an impossible victory. One has money, one has smarts last one breathing holds the title.

　
　
------ as the rounds in the Noble rumble continue, this May 3, 2012 Francis and I met up again, this time in the halls of Sonoma County Family Law Hall of Shame, -- (not court but mediation, I reserve the Family Law Court Rooms as being referred to as the Family Law Hall of Hell, mediation is more accurately stated as the Family Law Hall of Shame-- since that is what one feels when their in it. Either we feel our own, so we feel ashamed or we are subjected to our co-parents accusations and dialogue which often either attempts to shame us or does shame us. -- Anyway, as is our dynamic we come from opposite sides, I entered the courthouse from the back door and he entered from the front door we were walking towards each other in the center of the building (where the family law mediator office is) he says “huh so you showed up after all”, (I think what the hell? Me show up?? I will always show up for my kids!!). Its kind of funny since every legal proceeding I tell my friends “I wont be surprised if he doesn’t show up”, so far he has shown up to all of them, he doesn’t last but he at least makes an appearance. Anyway, I say “I think its this way” as I walk down the corner he stops thinks about following (which is his most comfortable position, “the follower”, then I realize I was wrong (it happens), then I say, “oh no your right, I’m wrong its this way”, at this point he is looking at his papers for the address of the meeting, I handed him the invoice with receipts etc. for April. (He is suppose to pay ½ the expenses etc. he hasn’t paid since August 2011. )

I entered the mediators office, checked in talked with the gal at the desk we have become friendly now since I have had to call a few times she’s familiar with me as “the one living in San Diego“. I could have done mediation over the telephone, however I didn’t feel comfortable with that. I am more comfortable with doing a telephone appearance for the actual court date with the judge, because my Ex's lawyer (lead divorce drama attorney) will be there and the judge really focuses on the mediators report , so it is this, the mediators recommendation that is most important in my opinion. I wanted to feel confident in the process, this mediator does not know any of us, yet their recommendation has such high stakes for the future of all of us.

In making small talk with Lana I complain about the rain in Nor Cal and point out the only jacket I brought (its not really even a jacket! it’s a very thin zip up!), I say this is certainly not San Diego! she laughs and says , “thats funny”, I say, “no really you know whats funny? --” then enters Francis so I stop talking then he exits, and I resume, “what’s funny is that we were married on May 3rd” she laughs and says, “that is funny!” A man sitting in the lobby also laughed in amusement. Yes it is funny, we were married on 5/3/03 and here we are in mediation renegotiating child visitation issues on 5/3/12.

The paperwork consists of a form that says its for “statistical purposes” it’s a survey of sorts on domestic violence. There is also a question asking if you would like to mediate alone (without the co parent) due to domestic violence issues. While I was completing my form, listing all the ways I am a victim of domestic violence, (there are many forms of domestic violence / domestic abuse such as physical, verbal, emotional, economic, spiritual, stalking) Francis entered back in through the door and walked towards the admin and not waiting for eye contact from her he blurts out in a rushed, hostile tone, “I want to change my answer”, I don’t think she ever looked up and simply said, “ok”. I sat there observing his mini dramatic gesture and thought wow that was weird. What answer did he want to change? The one about us meeting together despite an acknowledgement by us both that domestic violence exists in our relationship.-- anyway I asked nothing, cared little. I also knew this was something that he might do, it is an option. Nothing out of the realm of possibility would surprise me with Francis. He almost always fails to do what he says he will do. He almost never does what a reasonable person would expect him to do. He disregards our children almost completely. He uses  his attorney as his weapon of choice. ----Anyway, the mediator informs me that she will be meeting with us individually per his request. I had a chuckle about it since he is the aggressor who is still yielding whatever power possible over me and our children, yet he wants to play the victim card. I was fine with that, it actually means something may get accomplished since when we had mediation in 2/2011 the mediator almost ended the session barely 10 mins in due to the volatile behavior of Francis. That mediator specifically told him “you have negative intimacy issues with her and that has nothing to do with your children”, I sat there not surprised by his behavior or her identification of the dynamic and Francis pointed at me and yelled, “so does she!”. I just sat there looking at him making a total fool out of himself, embarrassing himself but more so allowing his ‘true colors’ to show. No wonder our children have PTSD, no wonder I am still traumatized. I cant speak to the aftereffect on Francis, as I cant speak to the effect on him period, because nothing seems to effect him. Stone cold face, the only feeling one can sense from him is anger, rage, intimidation. Over dinner, the day before mediation my adult daughter, his former step daughter (from age 13 onward) confided that she only remembers hearing him speak in an intense hostile tone or loudly yelling. She had a half smile as she recalled her experience yet -- sadly, when I thought about her comment I had to agree. He has little ‘in between’ he is either threatening and intensely hostile or avoidantly passive or passively avoidant. I have been told several times from professionals that Francis just sat there looking like a little boy in the principals office when he has attended meetings on behalf of our children absent my presence. I was his mouth piece during the marriage, now his attorney is-- but that’s another blog away!---

Finally----when my turns comes to talk with the mediator she says “he is agreeable to your proposal” I take a deep breath, sit back and with frustration I then ask “then why are we are”. She asks me if we have been able to negotiate terms before I say “no. because his attorney refuses to communicate with me”. (and of course Francis doesn’t cooperate at all) I wont divulge the details of visitation other than to say I proposed such terms in November 2011 in an e mail. And again I outlined them with more clarity in April when I filed a personal conduct restraining order on Francis. It is now going into 10 months that we have relocated to San Diego and Francis has made one visit to our children. My proposal allowed him time with the kids every month, the only objection he had was that he said he couldn’t make it every month. (the mediator reported that he said his work wouldn’t allow it. I said he was lying. She says ‘you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink it’)----oh so painfully true. I only want him to love our children, to value them, to enjoy them. To provide a loving father experience feeling for them, it looks as though the only thing he is able to provide for them is what not to do as a father, and co parent. Its still early, they are 6, 8, and 11 who knows what the future will bring all I know and I suspect our children know as well, is that Francis can not be depended on. He is unable to provide a safe and secure presence with them. Or more accurately put he has been unable to do so since 2003, with failure peaking in 2009 perhaps  he is at a plateau in 2012.

　
　
Rewinding some, while watching the video of our wedding ceremony I have a total visceral reaction to “…love francis forever…”, I actually bit down on my jaw and anyone with a trained eye could see by my body language, facial expression etc. that I had anything but ‘love Francis forever’ within me. When Father Michael says “thru sickness and health” I choked on the words, I was a cross between crying and laughing. Little did I know that cross roads of ‘between crying and laughing’ is where I will likely remain until death does us a part.

Friends say there is light at the end of the tunnel, they say it will end. They say hang in there, it will get better. I say I am accepting it as is, and see no end, until death.

When I married I did so for all the wrong reason. I married for security. Financial security, sure I would never worry about being hungry or homeless having Francis as my husband, yet I didn’t even acknowledge the emotional security that was absent. Yes, financially I, we would be fine, however I didn’t know, nor did I ever foresee that I would become emotionally bankrupt. As irony has it, I do now worry about going hungry, there have been times, many times actually where I am unsure what I will feed the kids or pack in their lunch and the thought of being homeless is indeed a real one for me now, the irony? These unfortunate predicaments I am in are the result of Francis and his inability to care about our children (aka follow the court order). His inability to put the needs of our children above his own. His inability to accept and let go. Financially I am not secure, nope not financially sound at all. However, emotionally equipped- I am. I am secure with myself, and most sound and secure with my emotions. Our children have a safe and sound environment in which to thrive in. And that is much more valuable than any currency imaginable.

I accept the fact that  the rounds of co-parent rumbling will continue, into the abyss of family law proceedings..... until death does us apart.

Drum, Drum, Drummm, DRAMMAAA Role……….to doing the right thing.

3/26/12 I begin to head off to Sonoma County for my appearance in which my X has filed CONTEMPT motions on me…..meanwhile, my X has not paid his full court ordered amount of child support---- the issues he has brought against me are easily argued / explained away, and clearly lacking the necessary intent required. Anyone with a reasonable mind will be able to determine such, beyond a reasonable doubt. I have never willfully disobeyed an order of the court. “Willfully disobeying a court order” sounds pretty clear. There is an order and you did not comply with such order, hence you “disobeyed” it. ”willfully” is not as clear to identify, however that is what trials are for. It can be a court trial, where it is heard by only the judge and the judge determines if your behavior / intent was “willful”, or a jury trial where its decided upon by a pool of your peers if your conduct was willfully disobedient. So, heading into court on 3/26 after consulting with several attorneys and doing lotsa DIY research I know my agenda was simple, should our kids Dads Divorce Attorney (DDA) and my X decide to pursue this matter. My Agenda was to answer to the Judge by assuring him I have not willfully disregarded any court order, I am not guilty of any such action (they) presented, and I am afraid I can not answer any questions as to such for fear of self incrimination and request a court appointed attorney because I can not afford one of my own. So, I did that. I pretty much said that. I was appointed an attorney. I did make mention that my X has not paid his child support per the order, that DDA is manipulating and exploiting my x, and that DDA just served me again prior to this hearing, oh and that I live in San Diego. Attorney appointed, hearing set for 4/9/12.

{{Oh and when one states they are not going to pay certain child support amounts due, as ordered by the court-- I think a reasonable person would deem that to be a WILLFUL disobedience of the law. }}

So where’s the DRUM, DRUM, DRAAAMMAAA…… well…let me start from the beginning, I left my home in the early morning to catch the flight from SAN to SFO. All was good, despite my being awake all night long, until-- I read my boarding pass! My boarding pass said boarding at 5:48... I didn't read my boarding pass when I printed it out….so there was lesson #1for the day, read your boarding pass, in its entirety when you have printed it out!--so, I’m standing in a line that is parallel to the circular shape of SAN hundreds of people long. I notice the time, 5:56a , my flight takes off at 6:23, ha. This is when I read the boarding time of 5:48, OMG it hit me. First in the head-OH S*** I feel a piercing pain across my head, I might not make my flight! Then my heart beat begins to accelerate, so the hit drops to my heart , ouch, I’m not going to make it. Lastly to my stomach I cant make it. Oh man, next flight there was a 8ish flight, maybe no seats? I cant pay more? Well Judge Boyd is understandable he will reschedule when I call and let them know I missed my flight. Maybe he will let me do telephone appearance since I have missed my flight. There I stood brain storming, problem solving, resigned to the fact that I have missed my flight again, and allowing my self to simply accept the situation and circumstance I was in. I was disappointed, yes. I was angry, a little yes, I was even embarrassed I knew what the reaction of my daughter as well as my x would be when they would learn I remained in San Diego because I missed my flight. (they would not be surprised) (I am too old for this silly stuff). Anyway, getting hysterical would do me no good, getting stressed to a paralyzing level would not benefit me either so I chose to accept the situation I was fully responsible for. It’s my fault. I didn't read the boarding pass, I didn't arrive early enough. No excuses it’s that simple. Accept it, deal with it, get on with it. During all this internal bantering my ego was present enough to hear a security call out for 6:23 flights, without a thought “that’s me” I yell in a panic with desperation radiating from my whole being, she looks at my ticket and says you better hurry to that line now….and so I ran, and I ran, again, glad I wore my flats and packed the heels, and I made it…or did I? we still have to go thru the machines AGH…. The time is 6:13!!! Security tells me to RELAX your fine. I feel my chest open enough to allow a deep breath really (I think?). Then I decided he really doesn't know for sure so back to the stressed out heart constricted state of being I went. Ah man, shaking and sweating and everything, can you please move faster….is all I could think…finally I made it in…and I ran, and I ran again… gate 12 there it is I slow my run as I see the door is shut there is not a soul there, WTH it took off before 6:23, last I looked it was only 6:18, well der, boarding was at 5:48. O what a let down, I approached United Staff demanding to know did I miss my flight, oh that’s gate 15.. Errr a gate change and no one told me!-- I turn towards gate 15 and again, I run, yet I see several people straggling in. Oh good god thank you…. WOW. I made it on. ---- that is how my journey to Sonoma County for Noble v Noble began, a true collision course. It was quite an intense, adrenaline pumping start, I wouldn't consider it to be a dramatic morning, no, the dramatics began when I entered Sonoma County Superior Court .

With the accompaniment of two of the smartest young women I know, I approached the courtroom hall and there sat DDA and my x. What happened next is still a complete mystery to me. I walked towards DDA providing a very gracious greeting. I spit out a rambling of insincere salutations such as “hello Mr.DDA, how wonderful to see you again. How are you doing? Are you ready for today?” etc. honestly I cant even remember what else I said, other than I remember extending my hand out to shake his, and smiling so largely and speaking so loudly. This was the most flamboyant self I have ever experienced. While I was being way over the top I was thinking to myself “what in the hell are you doing? Omg. Stop. Whoa…this is not me….” I saw my X turn his head and mumble something to the effect of “oh my …whatever”. I don’t think anyone has seen me act that way unless I was drunk. (in which case those I would be among would likely also be drunk and no one would notice anything odd) I tried to self analyze and self assess on the spot when my behavior and dialogue was not the sort I easily recognized. And then while I watched DDA's response he looked stunned, almost shocked, his forehead squinted as stared right into my eyes, he was speechless. I’m pretty sure he was probably thinking “has she lost her mind”. Then I consciously realized I got something I wanted in an unconscious manner, which was disturbing the expectation / or otherwise comfort zone of DDA. Once I noticed he was probably wondering if I had lost my mind, I decided I had better pull it together before a sheriffs deputy comes to assess me. (and also after my friend in a very concerned manner, repeated numerous reminders to “calm down”. I was fine, but it was time to return to being me. So that was some fer sure dramatics on the part of my self! I like to think I am a no drama mama, however that display was pure drama in the most theatrical manner!…what follows intensifies the days experience.



First DDA hands me a letter type written from my X. I am not sure what it says as I didn't really read it in its entirety. I read a few of the first lines and it says something about “stop this XYZ or I will take legal action”, there was nothing to stop so it was pointless, although I think there was something on that letter about his seeking custody of Jake, which would be the end of Jacob and again not an issue to worry about at this present time. So I basically laughed it off with a whatever. And then DDA amplified the scene up by serving me with another motion. This blew me away. I was not expecting this. And certainly not in this manner. My reactions to these happenings were definitely dramatic in nature, however, the way I handled them, (far from ‘perfect’) was definitely my choosing. I said, “you have to be kidding you are going to serve me now.” I quickly looked to the date a hearing in June over child custody, well right away I knew mediation would come first and again I don’t need to worry about anything at this point. Mediation will help assist the arrangements for visitation. Why does DDA have to serve me without first addressing the issue? Well because he only files motions, has me served then intimidates me (or attempts to) in the court room. Why does he serve me before our hearing, well what better way to trigger an already emotionally charged person? I looked at the motion further and read where it states he wants uninterrupted time with our 3 children and I kinda chuckled because he has not had uninterrupted time with our 3 children since he threw Karma in 2010. This seems so odd to me. I thought my x and I were going to meet prior to the hearing to confirm visitation arrangements for him. Instead he serves me? And to make matters worse, as if it wasn't bad enough, the mediation date set for said motion is May 3, which for the love of irony, is the date we married, May 3. OMG I think May 3^rd really? We are going to mediate on May 3^rd 2012, wow, perhaps life is nothing other than making the turn full circle? (and here’s a closing to one loop?) There is much dramatics from both DDA and I prior to our hearing, the fireworks were not as flaring and the sound effects were manageable but the heat was definitely turned up. -- I took some time to breath and washed my hands in the rest room, to wash away all that dramatic nonsense and attempted to motivate my self into a more responsible composure. I emerged and was ready to rumble on in the court room. I entered the courtroom and the seating was scarce I chose to sit a seat away from my x. As we sat waiting for the proceedings to start I reached my arm out towards my x and I said “it doesn't have to be like this. We can work things out, if you want to we can make things work. We don’t have to go thru all this”, and I was sincere. I was so sincere and my words were so heartfelt, again I almost didn't know how those words were leaving my mouth. He just said “no it doesn't have to be like this” and that was all.

****Diversion…..(several weeks back there was an occurrence in which our son called his dad and some things that were very hard for our son to say were said, things that his therapist had encouraged him to share -verbally instead of acting out physically. It was a huge moment for our son. And I felt like my x had failed our son with his response and behavior in regards to our sons expression of his feelings. At this point, I realized I was still hoping my x would change. I was hoping he would be a responsive and nurturing parent. He was himself. And he is not a responsive or a nurturing parent. My frustration was felt and known by our son, which in turn upset our son and I was the one to ‘blame’ in all this. That was an eye-opening occurrence for me, cause I thought my eyes were pretty wide open here in beautiful So.Ca. but I had a blind spot, and within that blind spot lied my desire, my hope, my fantasy for our children to be loved and valued by their father, as much as I love and value them. That isn't going to happen. And our son didn't need to be upset, if I had not had a reaction to his dads response. That night I laid awake thinking why was I reactive like that when I have no expectations of my X, then I asked myself how could I have avoided having a reaction. As I brewed over that conundrum a light bulb moment went on and I realized I have to forgive my x. For everything. My forgiveness of my x is not for the benefit of my x. It is for the benefit of our children, and it is for the serenity of myself. Since that day I have been practicing forgiveness of my x. It is a practice that takes work. I made several nice phone calls to him and e mails and I even began answering the phone when he calls for the children. I put out an offer to end the animosity between us involving DDA and the legal issues several times. He was unresponsive to my offer. (So much so he hung up on me when he called our daughters hospital room). Tangent over.

I was sincere then about forgiving him and I remain sincere now. I have to tell myself sometimes repeatedly “I forgive him, I forgive him… yes I do”. When I literally extended my arm to him Monday in the courtroom and offered an end to the unnecessary conflict, it was the last time. I will make no more offerings, well except that, after the court hearing (which I haven’t even addressed yet) I called my x and left a very nice message letting him know if he wanted to talk about arranging a visit as we had planned to , we can still do that, I would be in town for a couple more hours. -- that was the last attempt on my part, that was the last offering for establishing reasonable co-parenting relations from me. Should he assert himself, or initiate any action that resembles a sincere desire to genuinely co parent our children, I will be receptive. However, the onus is on him…..

So, after the hearing which lasted all of about 5 minutes, providing me an opportunity to share with the judge that I can not pay my rent, nor pay my babysitters because my x is not paying his child support, I ended with meeting my task at hand, which was retaining a qualified, competent attorney to assist me with these bogus matters of contempt.

It should have ended there for the day.

I sat in the gallery of the court room and DDA entered motioning for my presence (omy god what does he possibly want now I think to myself). We step outside into the family law courtroom hall of hell. DDA asks me what is my “proposal” to provide to resolve the matter at hand. I’m shocked. What proposal? I tell him I wasn't expecting any resolve from him since he doesn't talk to me on the phone, he hangs up on me, after he yells at me, and he doesn't return e mail. Offering a proposal is not something I thought of. I quickly think why does he want to take a proposal back to my x to resolve this matter without a trial. Oh, cuz he knows with a REAL attorney representing me he hasn't a chance in hell to prevail. I tell him I don’t know if I want to resolve, I would take greater pleasure out of watching you being humiliated and smeared in the public courtroom when my attorney defends me. I explain to DDA how I showed the motion to several attorneys and each one had the same response, which was “what is he doing”, which was my response when I first read the motions. DDA asked me what my response to the claims they made would be. I shared with him some reasons of what I considered why the criteria of “willful” wont be met. There stood DDA and I again, in a dramatic conflictual exchange. He attempted to intimidate me with the law and I refuted every point. I repeatedly told him he didn't scare me, and he cant intimidate me. At one point DDA admitted he was glad I was not scared of him. I agreed (in my head), because this was indeed a battle of wits and wills, and the power of persuasion works wonders as does the ability to intimidate one into submission. I’m not falling for either of those so we’re left with 3 devices to work with 1) the law 2) our wits and 3) our will. I come up quite short on the law as a device to use, but no more, now that I have an attorney appointed to represent me. ----- (however, with wits and will I definitely tip the scales!)

So after DDA and I tussle the same matters around and around in a mutually most aggressive, obnoxious, intimidating manner it is ended with his telling me he will take the proposal to my X and he will call me on Thursday to let me know if we have reached an agreement or not…….(Midway thru this ‘conference’ of DDA and I my X interrupted the debate with a physical push onto DDA's shoulder saying, “I’m done. I’m done with this now. I want to go. Come on. Lets go…” he had a very aggressive demanding tone and his facial expression was one I have seen many times, and its scary. (as I write this I think as its scary to me how must it have felt for our children?- terrifying?). I may have acted a bit erratic in the beginning of this set of stupidity, but I can contain myself, my x on the other hand is volatile. At least he did remove himself before damage was done. (but sadly this is his modes operandi --- threaten, intimidate, if not satisfied with results, abandonment.

A couple of things here, one I don’t trust that DDA would in fact take any proposal to my x, because I do believe he is that dirty of an attorney, he could have said so only to please the judge if and when asked “did you attempt to resolve” (because in the courtroom hearing before the judge I stated I had tried to communicate but DDA was unresponsive). Or, will he in fact take the proposal to my x and tell him to agree to the terms simply because it is the RIGHT thing to do? I don’t know, what I do know is that DDA should not have been talking to me at all after the hearing-once council was appointed to me. And I also know that DDA ‘cant’ call me Thursday, because I have representation now. So was DDA just using time for more billable hours to my x’s account??? ----- Had my X been doing the right thing we wouldn't be in the situation we are in now. Had DDA been doing my X right we wouldn't be in the situation we are in now. Had my x and I been doing our kids right, we wouldn't be in this situation now. It is true you can not take actions or words back once you have done or said them. You can however, take the right actions going forward J .

Being Victimized by the chronic "victim"

My Blog. My first "official" Blog! I write, I write a lot. I think even more. I think about writing, often.  I have a list of awesome book titles waiting to be put to work. I have several pieces "in process".  One piece is on divorcing parents- and what not to do--- (that is not the title i don't want to share the real title right yet!)-- i began working on this piece while providing co parenting mediation for highly stressed individuals, then as the universe works in its mysteriously ironic ways i was interrupted with the co-parenting issues and the divorce of my own. 

My Divorce Drama began in 2009,  or more accurately put my divorce was filed for in 2009, the drama was what held my marriage together for far too long. Does that make sense? Well, its true. And sadly there are many others  who are 'stuck' in this drama filled tunnel of what they refer to as life. But i will blog more about that tunnel, my dramatic marriage and feelings of stuckness later on...that will be near the end of this tale of My Divorce Drama...

You see, one would think you divorce, settle the legal issues of custody, and property distribution etc. and with some time the emotions that wreck havoc during this time period will settle...and as you grieve the loss you soon can accept the failure and your new reality and at that point continue on with your life, as you would like. Often this is the case and many times the divorced parents are in fact better parents and even friends after the divorce dust has settled and their living their lives their way. Sometimes, however, there is a parent or both parents who by their nature have organic impairments or other pathology present which impedes if not prevents their ability to accept and continue on with their life.  I consider this psychological dysfunction to be a severe  mental dis-ease. This can be something genetic or it can be the result of external factors; for instance addiction or  PTSD.  Nonetheless it is Dysfunctional. As in Divorce Drama Dysfunction...

My blog- When divorce is not enough, move to So.Ca may sound like an escape or a potion to avoid circumstances. It is not. It is a story of freedom..and triumph....once the Divorce Drama ends...(the optimist that i am i am intending it shall end)

It is the sharing of circumstances and experiences that have unfolded during my Divorce Drama. I am going to start with the present and go back..like a good story does.... I hope this drama will end in 2012....*if my X would replace his attonery with a competent one who is not a drama king bully himself I think the drama could cease. Sadly, i have contempt towards my x husbands attorney, for reasons you will discover if you continue the read. As for my x husband, i feel sorry for him. Like a chronic victim does. He's placed himself in such a position that I feel (and those closest to me) feel that he is being exploited and manipulated by his attorney, yet he is held together by denial so I pity him....which is what we do with chronic victims we feel sorry for them. Once we say "I feel sorry for him/her..." its too late.. the chronic victim has caught us in their web of deceitful dysfunction which will only result in Drama, and should you marry him/her-hopefully your relationship with a chronic victim will end.... even if its sure to end in a Divorce Drama.... and a dramatic future if there are children involved (and probably even if there are no children), no matter, no worries  a Divorce Drama still = freedom and a triumph for the one whose been victimized by the chronic victim.