The ad to my blog is 2009divorcedrama2012. I chose this because it represents the beginning of the legal end of my marriage, 2009 -and I had hoped it would also represent the end of the divorce drama with my x 2012 . Hope is a good thing to have, I believe in sending out intention as well. Faith is necessary to continue on especially in times of uncertainty and overwhelm. I have complete faith in myself and I realize that what I also fear the most is also myself.
It is December 2012 and I was almost right about this marking the end of my divorce drama. I may in fact be right…but only time will tell to confirm such. I was in Sonoma County again for a family law hearing. A motion I filed seeking reimbursement for child support add-ons. This was quite silly, I thought since we had a hearing on 9/20/12 over the same matter and I thought the judge was quite clear on why she ruled the way she did and that this would set the precedent for how her future rulings might be.
Three years of in and out of the courtroom process has given me quite an experience with the letter of the law and courtroom etiquette. A court trial is different than a jury trial whereas a jury trial verdict is determined by the jury. The jury that’s me, that’s you that’s your neighbor, your dog walker, your alcoholic cousin etc. A court trial rests all its performance on the decision of the judge. The judge knows the law, hears the facts asks the questions…is one preferable over the other? I don’t know--but for me being an emotional pleader I think I would feel better with a jury of my peers to decide upon my fate (legal outcome). A juror may understand and through the deliberation process what one agrees with and another doesn’t is presumably ’discussed’ until there is a mutual understanding that is acceptable to all the jurors, (or at least the majority if it be a civil matter) thus they then can render a verdict. I don’t know how many jurors need to be in agreement for a civil trial I think that number has changed some over the time and of course a criminal trial is a unanimous decision by the jury. The difference being the civil trial has a burden of proof that is set as a “preponderance” of the evidence which means about 51% and a criminal trial has a burden of proof that is ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’. Oh let me make mention here that I am NOT an attorney nor do I represent to be one and in fact anything which I am stating here in my blog is of my own personal opinion, belief, feeling or understanding. So hopefully this will avoid any misrepresentation or other confusion that a reader may develop as a result of reading my blog, my thoughts, my feelings, my understandings, my opinions my take on things, my blog. Ok, hopefully that legal disclaimer will suffice.
Now, on to the end of My DIVORCE DRAMA 2009-2012.
As I stated I was back in the courtroom on 12/26/12 this was an odd day for me, an irony of such that I seem to find throughout my life experience, I call it the karmic circle. Carl Jung would call it synchronicity. You see on 12/26/10 there was an incident at our family home which necessitated the police being called. My now x husband threw our daughter on her bed because he was having trouble getting her cooperation to go to bed. She was not hurt but she was manhandled, and this was not acceptable. This would be the first time I called the police for their assistance (looking back at my marriage now I don’t know why I hesitated to do so at other disturbing times of physical damage/destruction to property). I remembered when the police were called my x says “oh you have got to be kidding”, then he rumbled, “I am outa here”, and I was holding our sniffling daughter, Karma in my arms as he walked past us in the narrow hallway and I so wanted to grab him and demand that he stay put until the police came I actually had a vision where I did put my hands on him to stop and he then of course fought back and then we both would be physically attacking each other (that never happened ever during our marriage). I watched him walk away and had a sigh of relief that he was gone and tried to compose myself so I could tend to our children. As I sat on the phone with the police I realized that my “old behavior” is that behavior that wanted to physically stop him and demand that he face the consequences of his actions. My “old behavior” was abusive just as his was/is. I was proud of myself for identifying the obvious change in me and this motivated me to being an even better me than I ever was. It felt good to let him walk way, to let it go. Sometime later I was working on something or talking to someone and I had this insight that simply said “the day he threw my karma” and the sound resonated so much within me. That was the day he threw my karma, meaning whatever karmic circle I was in when my daughter (whos name is Karma) was thrown and I took the healthy, appropriate action that was in fact the day my karma changed-and I was thrown outa the sick circle I was in. So, 12/26 is the day ‘my karma was thrown’. This 12/26 was our last court date for the year! And as it turns out there are no more Noble V Noble family law matters in Sonoma or San Diego County for the first time in 4 years! (I don’t know how long that will last but I’m appreciating it for now!). Ironically also- on 12/26 another memorable event took place, which I had forgotten all about until this year. I was sharing with my sister the story of my x throwing Karma on 12/26, the day after Christmas, and how I thought its ironic that our court date is 12/26, she reminded me that our parents were married on 12/26! --- It so makes sense, my parents union occurred 12/26/60, through them I became, also through them I inherited a whole lotta family dysfunctional patterning. And it (my karma) was thrown and ended on 12/26/10. Now, on 12/26/12 our court hearing went 100% in my favor. Which signifies what for me? I don’t really know-other than I must be doing something right? -----
This court appearance was different, as I am now different. Change is inevitable throughout out any life changing process. I think you have to work pretty hard to remain the same throughout many lessons tossed your way to learn from to grow from, to gain wisdom. As the saying goes ‘history repeats itself’ and ‘Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it”. This time around I felt different. I am sick and tired of DDA and his face! I hate hearing his voice especially when he sounds so obnoxiously aggressive and arrogant to the judge! I hate the condescending look he gives to me and the stare downs he does as he walks by, he glares at me. Such a sick feeling. All I think is what is wrong with that guy! He’s an attorney, and an attorney is supposed to have a professional manner and appearance. Anyway, I knew I would be served, I told several friends of mine I bet I will be served I bet DDA will serve me again before our court appearance. I wish I had never put out that expectation, but I did. I expected to be served. So when I arrived just after 8a and I was approached by some old overweight guy and asked my name and handed papers I was not surprised. I was like I knew it! But then, then I looked at the papers and I didn't understand them! What the X@#$(%$ is this? Personal injury? Huh? Then I saw multiple lines with figures like $10,000 and $25,00 repeated throughout the page finally my focus was able to clear some and I read that DDA is suing me for Libel and Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress. Well, I cant say I didn't see that one coming. Because I had been on pins and needless since October when I was sent a cease and desist letter by the supposed law firm that DDA retained to represent him against me. I never responded to the cease and desist letter because there was nothing to cease and desist from doing. Had it been sent to me earlier perhaps last year maybe even mid year this year it may have made more sense. But at this point it made no sense as I was done, done with putting attention on DDA and allowing myself to be distracted by what I consider to be his unethical and ill-advised guidance of my x husband. I approached DDA and I informed him this suit does not rattle me. He served me a different time once right before our hearing was to be heard. There were some pretty heavy issues to be resolved that hearing date he sucker punched me outa no where and served me with a change in custody motion. To say I handled that well would be such an understatement! Tho-I did find comic relief in the fact that on that summons was our mediation date, May 3, 2012, which happened to also be the date we married, May 3, only nine years earlier. Ok so, DDA had begun what I had hoped would be a peaceful hearing before the judge with an attack of extreme measurement. I had been telling my friends I felt different this time, this time going to court, this time after so much has transpired from the beginning. I don’t know what the judge will do nor was I really invested in her ruling I had been preparing myself for days she can rule on NOTHING for me, she can rule on SOMETHING for me or she can rule on EVERYTHING for me. It was all about money I was seeking reimbursement for child support matters that I felt where due as a matter of our previous court orders including the judges ruling in September 2012 as well as our original MSA. So I knew, I could get nothing, I could get something or I could get everything. DDA filled out the issue sheet and handed it to me, I completed my side. I then approached DDA and asked him if he was ready to act like a professional and discuss this. He said “get out of my personal space”. The exchanges that happened between DDA and myself were quite disturbing, yet also very consistent with most all other exchanges that occurred between he and I. My friend who was there to support me acknowledged her feelings in that she felt he was trying to provoke me so I would hit him! I She was worried because he seemed to her to be very provocative. He mimicked both her and I displaying what we consider to be very unprofessional behavior. I have always felt he tries to intimidate me and he tries to ridicule me. Stupidly, on my part I have spoken clearly, with direction and assertiveness. I say stupidly because I think I have bruised his ego, though I did that from the get go of our process in 2009 when I sent him an e mail informing him of what I consider to be exploitation of a client. DDA and I never had a productive working relationship (in my opinion) and the bulk of our legal matters have been dealt with my being pro se- otherwise known as representing oneself. The last time I had retained an attorney who was willing to assist me in enforcing the child support order (who was the same attorney who assisted me with the move away order) something was said between DDA and he that changed the mind of the attorney willing to assist me. I don’t know what was said, I do know what (my) attorney told me about what DDA said and even though I had a different position than DDA (my) attorney dropped me.--- (this attorney dropped me because he was willing to assist me with no cash upfront, after an exchange between him and DDA on the date that said attorney was going to file he told me he couldn't represent me unless I paid him his retainer. Which clearly was not the agreement we had in place.). I have been dealing with DDA on my own and my thoughts, and feelings about him as an attorney haven’t changed much. His lawsuit against me actually validates my position in many ways. I have said my x is a drama king as is DDA, in my opinion. And Sadly, though this could have been the end of my divorce drama, (for now) it is not as DDA is dragging the drama on with his complaint.
So back in the courtroom again. This was a quick process with the usual theatrics from DDA but this time I was not triggered at all. I had my plan, my outline, my facts and my mental bearing about me. I had no idea what manipulation DDA would perform to “zealously advocate” for his client and I had no investment to what the judge orders. I tried my best, I was prepared, I was being reasonable and I was acting as professional as I possibly could. I did not think I would be awarded everything, if anything I was afraid the judge might be annoyed with the fact that we were before her disputing the same (types) of claim that we had just done only 3 months prior. In no way at all did I expect to be awarded everything, but I was. She also gave my x a mini lecture about his needing to communicate and that he cant just not respond as a way to refuse responsibility. My response to being awarded everything was “wow”. But far greater than that was the judges comments about my being “very good at representing myself” she continued to say I am as good and even better than many other attorneys. She had a perplexed look on her face but I could also tell she was being genuinely truthful. When she said that part about being better than other attorneys she looked at DDA as if to get a nod of agreement from him but DDA was looking down. I’m sure my x probably hated to hear the kudos as well, especially since I have blamed him for my inability to complete law school years earlier.
Before this hearing when I realized my X was willing to spend up to $4000 to object to paying me $1600 I finally realized it isn't about the money. As if my evidence of my x paying his attorney who knows how much instead of just following the court order wasn't enough for me to “get it”. Prior to this court date I got it. My x doesn't care about the money he spends on DDA to contest matters with me my x only cares about seeking revenge. When I sent an e mail to my x stating how interesting I thought it was that he who is so interested in the money matters is willing to spend up to $4k to object to paying me $1600 I noted that its true money cant buy you happiness but it can buy you vengeance. Or can it? As we left the courthouse DDA and my x were standing there as our daughter karma had just purchased something from the vending machine and she was between her dad and I. I said to DDA, stupidly still, “nice work DDA. Until we meet again”. I watched my x walk out with DDA and as they were talking I just wondered what was my x thinking. I so badly wanted to send him a text saying “ha! Now you get to pay over $6000 because you refused to pay me $1600”, but I didn't because that would be old behavior. Throughout this process I have learned to lose with great humility but more so I have learned to win with grace.
Oh P.S. since the case status conference for DDA's suit is sched for April 11th I offered to make visitation arrangements with my X since it is also Spring Break. I did expect to get served on 12/26 but only because the last court ordered visitation was scheduled for 12/27 -12/30/12 which my x was not interested in.
And I may have to change my blog ad to 2009divorceattorneydrama2015 J
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