Last night at the Inn!!!-- Here I am the last night of our Spring Break 2013~ Whoohooo~~!!! (NOT). I honored my word which was to bring our children up here for a visit with their dad and their grandmas etc. Originally the week stay was arranged by me because I had a court date on 4/11 and assumed I would have to appear for that (before I retained representation), and the San Francisco GIANTS had their HOME Opener all during my childrens spring break. We stayed this long because their dad was working last weekend (as I understand anyway, he might not have been and only led me to believe such), and he was off this weekend--so we are still here!!
I went to 2 games this week and my son went to 3 including as a raffle winner in a Comcast Sportsnet Suite!! (I have always dreamed of watching the GIANTS in a suite!! I saw the 49ers from a suite once before, though the fun was kind of drained since the person who brought me as their guest was hung-over and actually threw up as we parked the car at Candlestick. -But I tried to make the best of it anyway! My son and I are all about the GIANTS, but my son and I have a lot of fun doing a lot of things and we will have a lot more opportunity to do so. So, I encouraged his dad to take him even though his dads initial response was “I don’t care”. Sad, dad “didn’t care” and I would have LOVED IT! But being the good mom I am I sacrificed my dreams/desires so my son could have a once in a lifetime experience with who should be the most important man in his life, his dad. My ex didn’t even say thank you. I doubt he realized how difficult and painful it was for me to sacrifice such an opportunity for him. But-I made the best of it! Because that’s what a good mom does. Makes the best of it. Its going to hurt for awhile, it may sound silly to be so sore over a suite seat at a GIANTS game but that’s my life! My kids, the GIANTS and my work. And basically, in that order too! I am lucky to be grateful for the great experience my son had, a memory he gets to keep for ever and one he can share with his children when he’s a dad. One of the many, SF GIANTS memories he will have!
My Ex, much to my surprise has done seemingly well with the kids. He was a little short and rather intense with me a few times, though I don’t think its personal its just how he is. I was very upset, very hurt to hear from our children “Daddy and Grandma HATE you, I mean oh boy HATE HATE You. They think you are the rudest ever”, after just a couple of days of the kids being with them. I was shocked. Not that they think that way but that they spoke that way in front of our children-to the point where our children repeated it to me. OUCH. Again, after everything I have done for our kids and to make this visit happen. Not to mention the last time their dad and grandma saw them-in Dec, was on a count of me! I make things happen. And I made these things happen! And I am making the choice to never have them happen again.
I moved our children away for their health. I wanted us to live a healthy lifestyle. I could not manage to do so in Sonoma County, where so much of the family is toxic. Healthy minded and toxic personality do not make a good match. No longer capable of employing denial as a coping mechanism I chose geographical distancing! I chose San Diego for the great weather the beautiful beaches and because I have always said San Diego is the closest to being in Hawaii you can get while still being in California! The move down has been amazing. The first year was very difficult due to the unexpected noncompliance of court order my ex took. I didn’t expect that. However, I managed. This second year, began rocky, very rocky. On the one hand I had much of the noncompliance with my Ex resolved and on the other hand my Ex’s attorney filed a lawsuit against me. So this, along with the financial issues left over from the first year are the main blunders in my pursuit of health and happiness.
Our kids are doing so well in school, still behind their grade level academically but they have made significant improvement and have impressed and surprised everyone. My son is on the student council and won the Peace Builder Award this year, while last year he, well lets just say it was incredibly rough for him for all of us. My daughter is doing well with her attention and focus! She can comprehend and follow multi step direction now!! She’s still extremely high energy and impulsive but since the chaos of P town living no longer surrounds her she has settled down into being a wonderful sweet and kind little girl. My oldest daughter has amazed me! She communicates now on a regular basis which just brings me to tears. She’s hardly been sick at all! Now we return to Sonoma County for this visit, and she got a little sick. I’m still not sure what it was and she still isn’t 100% over it. But I declared she is allergic to Petaluma! And I also told her she doesn’t have to make this trip again. And that is my choice. We are not making this trip again. I’m just not putting all the preparation and planning into it nor am I putting out the money for it. I really wanted to go to Big Bear or The Grand Canyon! Anyway, this is it. The last night at the Inn and the last time I do this, for him. Yes, yes I know I did it for “them” and “him”. the only issue I have with that is that HE doesn’t do much of anything for “them” unless I bring them to him. I’m not sure what kind of father lives almost 4 months without seeing his 3 children? There likely will be a cost to pay due to this extended visit which is also something I’m not interested in enduring either (transition time). There may not be, I have our children on a pretty good track it basically is a matter of how much harm was done our kids when they were with their dad and their grandmas. I don’t miss Petaluma at all. Yes it’s a great little city. A city I called home my entire life. Little did I know abut the world that’s out there and where I belong.
When we first got here, and I began to write this we were staying at the Sheraton in Petaluma. I couldn’t help but find humor in the irony that the first time I stayed at the Sheraton was when my oldest threw a party so that interrupted the ‘night away’ that my then husband and I had hoped for (I left our evening to discover a houseful of huffing teenagers). I was at a wedding once at the Sheraton, my daughters BFF’s wedding, the same BFF who helped organize the party years earlier! For me the truly most ironic was the last time I was at the Sheraton -it was my 20 year reunion. And my Ex ruined it for me, like he did most things. Or should I say most things that made me happy he had a way of doing something to take my happy away. Well, not this time. I stayed at the Sheraton and it was a great experience with my kids. And now we are here in the Hilton also another awesome hotel, between watching the Jodi Arias trial (un-kid-interrupted) and being by the pool listening to the game the only thing that could have made today better was a successful Romo save and another GIANTS win!! I look forward to wrapping the visit up tomorrow, seeing some friends and hitting the road. However, the most important thing for me is that no matter what my ex can no longer take my happy away! (well, to be accurate I will not tolerate anyone to take my happy awayJ
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