Who can it be knocking at my door, Is it the process server to come destroy me? To take my childrens livelihood away? Why do they terror me??

               Who can it be knocking at my door? Go 'way, don't come 'round here no more.

             I'm very tired and I'm not feeling right. Stay away, don't you invade my home.

                       Who can it be knocking at my door? Make no sound, tip-toe across   the floor.

                     If he hears, he'll knock all day, I'll be trapped and here I'll have to stay.

         I've done no harm, I keep to myself . There's nothing wrong with my state of mental health ….

                   I like it here with my children. Is it the process server come to destroy me?

            To take my children’s livelihood away? Why do they terror me?----------------

Ahhhhhhhh frumphyfrumphydumphydumpity dump! --- So, it is that time again, several things have happened in the continuation of the divorce drama journey I am on, which I continue to attribute largely to the pathology of DDA. Much to much for me to cover in the short period of time I am able to blog right now, so the specifics will follow in true blog form at a later date.

Today, I’m not feeling well, having trouble sleeping a bit the past week or so. Which is kind of typical for the demands the beginning of the month bring to me. The most recent court hearing on 9/20 did award a dollar amount for past due child support that my x has refused to pay. On both a good and a bad note, the judge set a repayment amount to be garnished by his wages. This is good because it guarantees the collection will continue until the arrears are paid in full, this is bad because the repayment plan amount is a very, very minimal amount all things considered L . The losses I have incurred due to the failure to cooperate and the pure vengeance on the part of my X, guided by DDA seem insurmountable . …….. (and continue…)

 At this time my X has refused to fully reimburse me per the orders of the court, again. This is not a surprise to me, as I noted before, my X is good for not much. What I didn’t expect this time however, was the reasoning my X states for his refusal to comply and provide full reimbursement.  I felt his “reasons” were attacks on me, perhaps on my creditability? My personhood? My integrity? (oh wait, I think those 3 are all in the same, my personhood is compromised of my integrity which establishes my creditability). I don’t know… I don’t know what happened, other than I am a human being with feelings and emotions and the response from my X was argumentative and hurtful. I felt like he was attacking me and wants to continue to battle with me, rather than be compliant or even reasonable. I requested his percentage of our children’s birthday party to be reimbursed, he refused. Our MSA states we share the cost of our children’s birthday parties. He refused, his reasoning is : “I never gave approval nor was I present for it to be a joint party”….. what I am about to disclose now is truly heartbreaking… Our children, Jake turned 9 and Karma turned 7 were wanting their dad to attend their birthday party. Jake and Karma agreed to a joint party (which I thought would be more cost effective). I communicated via text to Francis was he in agreement with the kids birthday party choice of celebration and would he mind giving up 2 hours of his court ordered visit to attend the birthday party (I offered to make up the 2 hours by extending the visit or adding it to the next day). His response was brief and simply stated that he “was working that weekend”. Which dumbfounded me a bit since ‘that weekend’ was his court ordered, supervised visitation weekend. I asked him if he were not planning on visiting the kids per the court order. No response. No response, no surprise. I think, this is how he thinks he escapes responsibility-- by avoiding communication. ----so this is to me the most painful. Our children, 2 of our 3 were celebrating their birthday and sooo excited! And it was their dads visitation weekend and their dad opted not to attend. Both Jake and Karma asked him them self if he can come to their party. When he told Jake he was working Jake hung the phone up and said “what kind of dad would rather work than be at their kids birthday party”. Jake was very sad by his dads choice and I don’t think Francis understands how he himself is responsible for the disintegrating relationship between him and our kids. The kids will remember their birthday party as it was a success (I think) and they had a great time. They would have had even more fond memories of their birthday if they had their dad there to help them celebrate. Anyway, so be it. Their dad is harmful. His actions are painful not just to me but to our children (not that this should surprise me any, since he failed to attend to Brianna when she was undergoing a seven hour back operation and the slow recovery that followed, so, though it shouldn’t surprise me it kinda did). It was his court ordered visitation weekend! ----

The current divorce drama has me baffled and I guess paranoid, or if not paranoid perhaps its justifiable concern--- about DDA and his involvement, I mean, representation of Francis. I received a ‘cease and desist’ letter on behalf of DDA, the letter writer claims that DDA has retained their law firm to represent him in pursuit of a civil action against me. So, my X husbands attorney has now retained an attorney to sue me. This, while DDA continues to represent my X in contested child support matters. So----hmmmmm the letter I received was quite disturbing. It was very scary, very threatening and very attacking. I would like to say it didn't bother me, it didn't worry me, it didn't concern me, because DDA is an ego driven narcissist (as is my X). but that would not be the truth if I did say that, I do believe DDA and my X are ego driven narcissists. However, of course it worries me, it greatly concerns me. The lawyer for DDA is threatening to seek an extremely large amount of monetary damages from me. I cant even afford to shelter, feed and clothe my children in the manner they deserve. So, my X wants to again refuse to make the expected child support reimbursement to me and now in addition to this stressful hardship DDA wants to seek ….seek…..? Seek I don’t know what? Perhaps DDA just wants to seek and destroy (me)??? (Since DDA is privy to my financial portfolio or ah I mean my income and expense declaration, he knows there is only a hole in my pocket, unlike my X, I don’t have a mother with deep pockets). Any strange knock at the door is terrifying  any big packet in the mail is cause for a deep breath to pause and brace myself, for fear its related to DDA. (I have been traumatized by the relentless abuse of the legal process at the hands of DDA)

I completed the paperwork needed to file the motion for a dollar amount award. (so this means a return to court). I hesitated, because I read underlining threats in the letter from DDA lawyer which I think are attempts to prevent me from taking any further legal actions. Is it true Justice prevails? Will conduct and order's ever be carried out in my divorce drama be it Noble V. Noble or DDA V Noble ??? -- I am not an attorney, nor am I an advocate for any party in this matter, I am the MATTER!! What began as a typical endeavor (divorce process) has evolved into a never ending nightmare. There were times where I felt empowered at the results of the process and the leading up to the court appearances etc. It is a game. I love to win, and I have now learned how to lose. There are two sides and each side will often do what they think they need to do, or can get away with. Sadly, I have learned through the work product of  DDA and his performance, that an involved party, such as an attorney, will do anything even if it is illegal and unethical.

On May 21, 2012 I sent an e mail to DDA it read “While its been quite a stimulating mental exchange of wits I am withdrawing from the circular nonsense of irrelevant and derogatory communication under the guise of legal procedure..." . And I meant it. I had fully come to the realization that my focus had been diverted from my goal of what is best for my family, towards uncovering the incompetence and the hostility that is abundantly apparent with DDA and Francis. I had this deep insight, where I realized I was acting just as pathetic as DDA. -- I was once the ‘mouthpiece’ for Francis, I took care of all our problems, made all the things we needed happen, made all the plans, all the decisions, and took all the responsibility…DDA replaced me in the pursuit of Francis getting his needs met. Francis is still unable to be independent, rational and mature enough to cooperatively co parent, but he doesn't have to. He is paying for DDA who is taking advantage of this codependent dynamic that lies within my X. I finally understood, my ego was battling DDA's ego, which is not at all what’s in the best interest for Brianna, Jacob or Karma (or any of my friends who have to hear me ventJ ) . I willfully engaged in this battle of egos not because of a psychological deficit within myself, but because what was happening was simply wrong. A court order, an agreement, is black and white. Follow it, its right, manipulate it, its wrong. DDA's is a master manipulator. There is the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. I innocently believe(d) the letter of the law would prevail, especially when the spirit of the law is being abused. The optimist I am, the underdog by nature, the advocate for justice I will always be, I felt obligated to reveal the inappropriateness of  DDA’s actions, ethically and legally. (I still feel that way). As the protracted litigation continued, being unrepresented meant I had to represent myself as best I could. (and still do). This meant a continuance of insults and personal attacks between DDA and myself. All at the financial expense of my X and my children’s grandmother, and at the emotional expense of myself and our children. On September 8^th, 2012 I sent a communication to DDA that simply stated “I am done”. Meaning I am done playing games, and I was. I am. I am done playing games, however, for me this divorce drama has turned from gamesmanship into survival of the fittest. And surviving must take priority, especially since I am solely responsible for three wonderfully amazing children who deserve a happy and healthy childhood.

And so, as I began this blog, who can it be now….knocking at my door??? I don’t feel well, I didn't sleep well so stressed over my X‘s noncompliance and DDA's personal vendetta, and I now have a headache…. Here I am laying here trying to feel better….then someone pounds on the door. WTF. OUCH my head, my whole body goes into shock…fear…..@***Who is that? My heart races, the wheels start spinning in my brain all I can think is DDA! --- total panic--I’m not expecting anyone. How the hell…..I live in a gated complex, I live in a secure building! HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN???? Good God, I think I’m being served! I’m not answering the door, hell I’m not moving!